Sunday, January 6, 2019
Late Night Brain Farts
Brain: hey. Psssst. HEY.
Brain: C'mon. This is good.
me: Nooooo. Shut up. I'm sleeping.
Me: I'm sorry. What!?
Brain:. Yeah. This is genius. So, you know how some people say you can use Preparation H under your eyes to shrink bags?
Me: I guess?
Brain:. Well, you've been grumbling about that extra 20 lbs.... Rub it on your tummy! Ta da!
Me: So first, it's NINETEEN lbs, and I don't think it works that way.
**Excuse me? Hello? Sorry to interrupt. Imagination here. I couldn't help but overhear.... **
Me: seriously? Another voice in my head? Sigh. Of course. Why not? It's only 2 am. Go ahead.
Imagination: Right. I got this. Picture this.
You're at work and you are looking GOOOD girlfriend. For the low cost of $127.50 you have coated that bloat and you soooo skinny....
Me: What's up with the weird grammar?
Brain: Shhhh. I wanna hear this.
Me: Oh gosh. I'm sooo sorry Brain. By all means, listen on. It's not like I wanted to sleep or anything.
Imagination:. Walking down the stairs. You got your favorite boots on. You know the ones. Not too short. Not too tall. Have a real nice click when you walk. . Mmmhm. You clothes are fitting sweet. Confident walk. Nice hair. You're looking swell.... Oh did I say SWELL??? *Snicker*
Me: I'm not sure I like where this is heading.
Imagination: Final flight baby. You feeling goooood. There's a guy walking by the base of the stairs, not that you notice because you're deep in important sexy people thoughts. When BAM the PrepH wears off . You start popping rolls like the Doughboy on crack. Shit's jiggling, and bouncing, and popping.....
Me: I feel ill.
Brain:. More!!! I love it!!
Me: Not only am I never going to sleep again, I'm never going to work.
Brain: Ok Ok. I have another one. So you know how tampons absorb moisture....
Me: Gaaargh!!!! No no nonoooooop