Tuesday, October 23, 2018

4 Day Diary of Near Death

Day 1
Dear Diary-
I am so sick.  My brain is throbbing and my stomach hates me.  I was woken up by a solid bite encompassing the entire end of my nose!  Through tears and sleep blurred eyes, I see Blue Bear sitting on the mattress 5 inches from my face.  I suspect he's waiting for me to die.

Dear Diary-
Slightly better.  Actually ate a little today.  I made sure to move a body part periodically so that the cat knows that I am still alive.  I want to be sure he at least waits until I am actually dead before attempting to eat me again.

Saturday, October 20, 2018

And on a Serious Nose....

Years ago in college, I had to take a class on the writings of Chaucer.  The most famous of which is, of course, the Canterbury Tales.  As enthralling as these tales of religious pilgrims were, I would on occasion find my attention wandering.  Here's one of the results;

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

My Cat Broke My Dog's Dick

I wasn't really sure if I could write this particular entry as it's not so much funny as horrifying, or maybe, horrifyingly funny.  I will tell you right up front, the cat did NOT in fact break the dog's penis, but I honestly thought for a while I was going to have to call the vet and tell her that my cat had broken my dog's dick.  The same dog, by the way, who had already lost an eye because of another cat.

****Trigger warning: if you have had a bad experience with aroused donkeys or horses, priapism, or the color purple, the following content may be upsetting for you.****