Friday, September 28, 2018

The Hampster in my Head

Tonight as I closed my eyes to sleep, my brain, previously professing to be tired, perked up like a hamster who just got a brand new extra squeaky wheel.  Then it jumped on and started spinning.  I told myself, it's just a matter of discipline.  Meditate. Breathe deep.  Think of nothing.

"HA!" laughed hamster brain who by then had gleefully added those damn habitrail tunnel things to it's imaginary kingdom.  Now hamster brain is meandering through tunnels with strange turns and twists made of pretty colors.

I think it has produced some weird imaginary hamster brain offshoot because I swear I still hear the hamster wheel squeaking in the background.... oh wait.  That was just Doug farting.

Forget everything you just read.

Thursday, September 20, 2018

Mousy Madness

Doug and Blue Bear
And here we have another average night in the life of Lealyn:

Last night while sitting on the couch, staring at the TV, and watching a GIGANTIC house fly walk across actors' faces, I realize I had been hearing strange little thumps and scuffles from the general area of the kitchen.  Glancing over, I verify that Doug is still snuggled in a pillow nest snoring. Laying on top of him, spread out like an exhausted trash panda is Doug's new best buddy- Blue Bear.  Hm.

So what the heck is that noise?  Shit.  Now I have to find out what the heck is happening in the kitchen.  I reluctantly haul my fat ass up off  of the couch and trudge to the kitchen followed by my one eyed dummy and his now awake pal, Bear.  Snapping on the light I see my super fat cat, Bacon  (not to be confused with his much skinnier and smarter brother, Eggs) scuttle under the table using some relatively weird and suspicious movements.

"What the hell is this idiot doing?" I wonder.  He's truly not the brightest bulb on Charlie Brown's tree so God only knows what he is up to.  I am not lying when I tell you I have actually caught him licking the wall.