Monday, April 30, 2018

God D*mn You Warner Brothers!


I have violent urges, actually it's kind of more like violent visuals.  I admit it.  But, I am proud to say that I have yet to act on them.  I seriously wonder sometimes if it is only me that thinks, "Oh my God, one more word from this dumbass, just one, and I am going to punch his face right the hell off."

And when I think 'punch his face off" I actually visually see this person's face fly off and land on the  ground.  Depending on how aggravated I am, it could land face up - which would result in gravel and other detritus getting stuck in the gooey side- or face down, which would be much more pleasant for the victim as they could then pick their face up and stick it back on without gravel and what not getting stuck in there.

Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Between You Me, & the Agave Worms

This could happen only to me.  I swear my life is a damn sitcom waiting to be written.

This week a student from Mexico gifted me with a bottle of mezcal from her home town of Oaxaca.  In case you don't know, mezcal is a type of tequila, the kind that often comes with the worm. It was a pretty unusual gift. Typically, students will bring candies or trinkets.  I've never been given alcohol before and we are supposed to be a substance free campus.... so this could look bad.

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

One Liners with Lou

Here a just few quick little stories of my older son, Luis.

In all of the stories below he is approximately 2 to 3 years old.

Luis, or Little Louie as he was called at the time, was outside playing in the yard with a neighbor girl one hot dusty summer day.  I took a moment to run into the house with his brother.  There I was trying to keep one eye on Louie while slapping a diaper onto his squirming high speed sibling.  As I glance out of the window, I see Louie standing proudly in a superhero pose, hands on hips, legs spread wide.  He is standing right smack in the middle of a particularly bare and dusty part of the yard.  His back is to me, but I can clearly see his chubby little ass because his pants are completely down around his ankles in the dust below.

Shocked, I yell out the window, "Louie!!  What are you doing!?"

Still in pose, he swivels his hips, looks back at me with an expression that can only be described as "woman are you blind?" and answers with the obvious, "I'M PEEING!!" at the top of his lungs and then turns back to go about his business .

*************

As I was in the midst of a particularly busy time, my brother decided to take his nephew out for some uncle nephew time.  My brother decides that pizza is the way to go.  You just can't go wrong with pizza, right? 

At the pizza place Brother asks, "What kind of pizza do you want?"

Again, clearly wondering why adults so stupid, responds, "Round."

With some amusement Brother says, "Well yeah, but what kind pizza do you want?"

Louie, "Oh Ok.  Red."

Brother ended up ordering pepperoni as it fit all of the previously named criteria.  It went well.

************
In a moment of sheer exasperation for I do not remember what, I said to my son, "Jesus Louie!  Why don't you just use your brain?"

Completely serious and somewhat puzzled he answered, "Because Mommy, it doesn't have arms."

God help me.








Friday, April 6, 2018

How the F*ck Did They Do That?



Today I was walking out of a building at work and happened to glance up.  What I saw brought an immediate smile to my face.  There on the ceiling, 12 feet up, right next to the light fixture was a piece of chewed gum stuck to the ceiling.   I understand that your average person would not react with a smile.  In fact I believe a normal reaction would most likely be disgust because....well, ewww.  Chewed gum.  Or probably irritation at how nasty people can be; but for me it brought out a happy memory.

Tuesday, April 3, 2018

Lealyn Learns a Lesson, or Not


In our office we have a college student who works for us. This girl is among one of the rare few people I have met that I can honestly say has a joyful soul.  Is she happy all the time? No. But there is something about her that is unlike others. The guy she dates, also a college student here, is just like her as far as decency and humor and just being a pleasure to be around.  I think they are one of the most perfectly matched couples I have ever seen.  They are fun to watch and fun to interact with. If they ever break up I will be heartbroken.

Today, as she was touching his hair he commented, "I need a haircut."