Thursday, March 22, 2018

Letting Things Go

Or.... STUFF I'VE LEARNED FROM MEN OVER THE YEARS

1. It's okay to pee in the shower (especially if you're not the one cleaning the bathroom) because:
                       A. Urine is sterile
                       B. It's going to the same place as when you pee in the toilet
                       C. "Hey! I'm saving water. No flushing!"

2. Farting feels GOOD!  Let her rip! (but please, not near me)  Besides, if you do not, you risk:
                       A. Exploding
                       B. Brain damage due to a backup of noxious gases.

3. Blanket Burrito!!!  Who cares how your mom taught you to make the bed?  Pull the blankets out from under the mattress and roll yourself up.  It feels great!  Keep a spare blanket around though in case your bed buddy decides to burrito up before you do.

4. Sometimes smacking a household item IS the fix it needs.

5. Standing up to pee is messy.  Even if you are a man!  The taller the guy, the bigger the mess (they splash more).

6. Sorting laundry is for pussies!  Just chuck it all in there and add detergent.  "It'll all come out in the wash."

7. Face clothes are also for pussies.  Just rub that soap all over your body.  Who cares about the pubic hairs and what not that gets caught in the soap?  Not real men!  That stuff just helps exfoliate your skin the next time around.

8. If you care about exfoliating your skin you might be a pussy.

9. Pussy is an all purpose word.  Cats, body parts, expression of weakness.... it's all good.

10.  Burping in public is better than passing gas in public because, "better the attic than the cellar."

Here's to appreciating the men in your life.   😉



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