Monday, February 12, 2018

Short Tales of Lost Minds II

One son is already in the room with me when the second walks in-

Luis: (older son): "Hey Little G."

Nico:(younger son):  "What up Big G?"

Me: (trying to be cool and up to date):  "Mama G in da house!!!"

My sons trade confused looks.

Me: "Me.  I'm in the house,  Mama G."

Laughing-- "Oh god Mom, NO."

Me: "What?  You're big Guzman, he's little Guzman, I'm Mama Guzman."

Luis: (laughing)  "Gangsta mom.  Gangsta.  ha ha ha....  Guzman"

Me:  "All these years I thought you guys were calling each other little and big Guzman."

I leave the room to the sounds of echoing laughter and "oh Gods" feeling like a total dumbass.  😒


Me:  "Hey go get me some soy sauce."

Nico "Where is it?"

Me: "It's in the microwa- NO, toaster.  I mean, OVEN- Stove?  Dishwash- NO! ... the... um.. .....m-m-m... mix..... the fucking white thing with the door!!  It's cold inside!  There's a light...."

Nico: Standing patiently with one eyebrow cocked and a smirk on his face, "The re-frig-er-a-tor?"

Me: (Graciously of course) "Fuck you Nico.  You know what I'm trying to say."

Follow up- the next day in work I am trying to share with my coworkers the story of how I could not get the word refrigerator out of my mouth.

Me:  "Oh my God.  It was awful.  I forgot the name of the refrigerator."

Coworker:  "You named your refrigerator?"

Me: "....No.. I ... just couldn't... I....nevermind." 

While driving in the car with my son Luis (who NEVER stops acting like I can't drive)-

Luis: " Ah Mom?  That light was red.You just ran a red light."

Me: (defensive and, frankly, snotty) "Yeah Luis, I know.  It's called a right turn on red."

Luis: (with a very strange expression on his face) ".... uh....."

Me:  "What?"

Luis: "But you turned left."

Me: "oh"

For the first installment of lost mind click here.

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