Monday, February 26, 2018

Stupid Shit People Say

Here's a little snippet of stupid/amusing things people have said to me over time- or at least the ones that really stuck with me.   A caveat though, I am very well aware that I am the queen of awkward and inappropriate. I imagine that somewhere out there someone is writing dumb shit I have said.

My mom:
Mom: well, it's not that you're stupid. That was never your problem.  You just have no common sense.  Einstein couldn't tie his shoes you know.

Me:  Uh, thanks?

********
A coworker:

Thursday, February 22, 2018

Dangerous Dreams

Anyone who really knows me, knows I talk and act in my sleep.  The more stressed I am, the more talking or action occurs.  I am currently single so I have no idea how much talking I have been doing lately, but what I do know is it may no longer be safe for my dog to sleep in my bed with me.

Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Doug-clops & His Butthole

Yes, you read the title correctly.  Doug-clops (due to the one eyed deal) and his butthole (which you will have to read on to learn about).

A year or so back I decided I needed a new bed.  The old one was rickety and killing my back.  I had saved up quite a bit from selling prints of my art- well, a lot for me, $2000- and decided to go for it.  So now I have a bed I really like and is very comfortable.  On cold nights I let Doug sleep with me.  I imagine his crate gets cold even though it is stuffed with blankets.

Friday, February 16, 2018

I Know Why the Comedian Kills Himself

Everyone is shocked.  They don't understand why.  How can someone who makes people laugh for a living do this?  They are successful.  They are funny.  They have the world by the tail.  How can the famous comedian, actor, singer do this? Was it drugs?  Were they crazy?  Why?  Why?  Why?

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Doug-Clops- Doug's New Life

Doug has adjusted well to life with one eye (click here to see how he lost it).  Far better than I!  In fact, I have twice walked into him because I didn't realize he didn't see me coming.  I also did not realize that he just automatically gets out of my way when I am moving.  So....BAM!  My shin to his dorky rock head twice now.  I had some bad words to say and a bruise on the shin.  He pretty much took it in stride, not even so much as a dirty look.  What a trooper.

Speaking of troopers, Bacon and Eggs have been anything but.  I feel like I can't really blame them as Doug has learned exactly zero lessons from having lost an eye.  He continues to pester the cats with toys and offers to play and they continue to respond as cats do- with a face full of claws.  I have been trimming their claws  regularly which the boys hate and run away if they even see the nail clippers.  I have to wrap the cat in a towel to restrain it and then try to clip the nails.  Bacon in particular, being built like a linebacker, is a battle.  I am beginning to suspect that they have figured out that Doug is somehow to blame for this horrible treatment and they are plotting revenge.  I fear for Doug's life.

Monday, February 12, 2018

Short Tales of Lost Minds II

One son is already in the room with me when the second walks in-

Luis: (older son): "Hey Little G."

Nico:(younger son):  "What up Big G?"

Monday, February 5, 2018

The Joys of Depression

Now why would anyone possibly name a blog entry the JOYS of depression?

Lucky for you, I am here to explain it.  Thinks about it. What mental illness gives you a pass on compulsively consuming ridiculous amounts of chocolate, ice cream, and other incredibly bad for you foods?  -While also allowing you to climb into your bed for days on end and not come out except to use the bathroom or snarl at whomever has disturbed what feels like a very necessary need for sleep?  I mean, shit, if you gotta have a mental illness, this one seems kinda cool.

Short tales of Lost Minds


Generation Gap

I was visiting my mother recently and told her I needed to log in to her wifi.  She promptly responded,   "I don't have wifi."

Liquid Emotions

Liquid Emotions

I don't know about the rest of humanity, but I am a person who has 3 modes of "thinking."  I sometimes think in clear thoughts that have sentences, sometimes it's visual impressions (can be a vivid image or just a color)- this also means that sometimes when I am thinking in words I am also seeing the words in my head at the same time, and finally there is the semi aware subconscious stuff that rumbles around under the surface until whatever problem I've been working on pops up resolved.

Anyway, the point of this bit of babbled nonsense is that not too long ago I had a nice clear visual of what it would be like if I could touch my thoughts that were of the impression kind.   I was actually able to draw it!  In my mind the colors and thoughts and emotions swirl through my fingers and flow like a weird liquid that is not gravity bound.  I'm pretty pleased with the result if I do say so myself.