Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Here I Go Again

I am an extraordinarily boring human being when it comes to eating.  I find something I like to eat and I can eat that every day for about a year before I switch to something new.  I'm not sure if it's due to laziness, boredom, or just lack of interest in food in general.  It's kind of weird considering I am a bit of a chunky monkey.

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Mom Just Doesn't Know

As far back as I can remember, I did not get along with my mother. I don't remember being a particularly happy child.  In fact, I hated pretty much most of my childhood. Looking back, I realize my life could have been much smoother had I not been a rebellious kid who NEEDED to state her case and never learned that sometimes, it's better to just shut up and let the adult say whatever unfair or untrue thing they were saying.  This is especially important if you are raised in the atmosphere of "Do as I say, not as I do," "Authority is never to be questioned," and "What happens in this house, stays in this house."

Saturday, January 27, 2018

My Walk of Shame

It started innocent enough; an announcement that Sam's Club was closing down and prices would be reduced.  Honestly, barely a blip on my radar, because; who cares?  I don't shop there.

Thursday, January 25, 2018

I Don't Get It

I am fully aware that I am a bundle of first world issues.  The worst being my extreme lack of patience when it comes to fast food.  I don't think you can completely condemn me for this given that it has been labeled "fast."  I mean, that does set a certain expectation.   

Tuesday, January 23, 2018

Late Night Musings

Yet another night I couldn't sleep and at 4 a.m. I found my brain thinking the most ridiculous things- as we all do late at night when we are supposed to be sleeping.  This time, thanks to two weeks of Hugh wandering around my house, spiders were on my mind.

Saturday, January 20, 2018

RIP Hugh

Well it was bound to happen.   I have watched Hugh wander from bathroom to bedroom to living room.   Each movement has increased my creep factor and therefore my urge to murder him.  To date, all that has saved him is my laziness.

Thursday, January 18, 2018

HeyYou- The Tale of Insanity

Many years ago I had the great experience of raising a squirrel.   Squirrels are smart, affectionate, mischievous, and busy, busy, busy.  I actually started out with 2 and named them Derek and David after the twin sons of my friend (Susan) who had found the squirrels to begin with.

Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Oh Doug...

Photo courtesy of S. Dickerson

Well world, Doug's recovery (story here) is going well. In fact, it may be going a little too well. I would love to tell you he learned his lesson, but that would be a straight up lie.  Honestly, I'm starting to think he likes the pain.  If you look at the picture closely you will see plenty of fine scars across his muzzle from the many many times the cats have told him to take his toys and shove them somewhere uncomfortable.  But Doug is a dog of goals and dreams.  He will  get those cats to play tug-o-war some day, even if it costs him both  eyes.  sigh.....

Tuesday, January 16, 2018

The Spider in My Shower

Sorry for the repost, but somehow the original disappeared.  This was first posted very early in January.

About two weeks ago I encountered a spider living in my shower.  I didn't freak.  I'm tough like that.  But I admit, at first I was a bit startled and honestly not very pleased.  They have eight eyes you know.  That's EIGHT eyes looking at my fat icky naked ass.  EIGHT eyes mounted on a creepy little head that has a body with eight spindly creepy multi jointed legs.  I have pretty high ceilings and he was way up in the corner, so I decided- mostly because I really don't want EMTs picking my broken naked ass up out of the shower when I slip and almost kill myself- that I'll just let bygones be bygones and creepy spider can continue to hang out up there.  Plus, he wasn't moving much and he wasn't one of those hairy bastards that might jump on you just to watch you scream and jitter bug all over the place while his equally hairy spider friends hide under the sink and dryer placing bets over juicy fly corpses as to whether or not the human will actually injure themself or just dash off.

He's Baaack.....

I found him that sneaky S.O.B.!

The other night I was settling Douglas in (he's healing quite well from his surgery) when I notice that Eggs -who I am keeping a close eye on to make sure he doesn't take out Doug's remaining eye- is staring into the corner of the ceiling.  From where I am standing, there's nothing there.  I'm convinced the cat is batshit crazy.  Or, he's using dirty tactic cat psychology on me and is trying to make ME crazy.

I'd just about gotten settled,

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

It's All Fun & Games Until...

Doug has really outdone himself. 

While he is a truly a sweet little man, part of having been the product of a puppy mill means he is a bit "autistic" in that he doesn't do well with reading body language of other animals.  He approaches dogs that clearly exhibit warning behavior and wants to play.  He is also constantly bringing my two cats, Bacon & Eggs, toys and trying to get them to play.  Eggs in particular find this exceptionally upsetting and pretty regularly slashes Doug's face.   More than once he's gotten a scratch to his eye or a bloodied snout.  We've been to the vet before for this, but Doug is Doug and, well, I love him, but even I have to admit he's a wee but dimwitted.   I keep the cat's claws trimmed, but there is only so much I can do when Doug insists on a rousing game of tug of war with his cat brothers or on dropping balls and chew toys on their heads.

Monday, January 8, 2018

Things My Dad Taught Me

My dad was, to put it in the best light, a unique individual.  He had many sides, not all of them pleasant.  But to me, his most enjoyable side was what I call The Child.  Poor impulse control, unbridled curiosity, and a lack of concern about what others thought of him while he was following his curiosity.  Of course there are definitely unpleasant aspects to having a parent who is a child, but I'm here today to tell you about the fun ones.

Sunday, January 7, 2018

Cell Phones, Snow Peas, & Iceberg Lettuce

This latest storm brings to mind an incident from about two years ago:

We had just had a similar storm and I, on about the third round of shoveling, noticed my cell phone had fallen from my pocket.  Being a genius at forethought, I picked it up and put it back into the pocket it had just fallen out of.  Now perhaps you are better at the whole thinking ahead thing than I, and if so I'm sure you will not be surprised that later that night I noticed I had once again lost my cell phone.

We have already established that thinking ahead might not be my forté, but I'm pretty good at recognizing where I've gone wrong (lots of practice there).  I immediately headed out into the driveway with a flashlight.  A thorough search reveals all sorts of stuff but nothing that rings or accesses the internet.  Why haven't you called it you think?   Well because 9 times out of 10 my phone is on vibrate.  One reason, I hate being startled.  Second reason, work. Can't have that phone ringing and pinging and what not while in some super important meeting discussing stuff like, "How the heck do we really know Google Docs is anymore secure than a shared folder on the university's drive?" or "Whether or not we should use both sides of the paper when copying."

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

Happy F*cking New Year

Let me just start by saying New Year's annoys me.  So as you might imagine this is going to be yet another ranty bitchy Leah post.

First, WTF people?  Really?  Let's all get together like a bunch of savages and drink ourselves stupid while proving we can all count backwards from 10 because- wait for it- the Earth has managed the amazing and clearly difficult feat of making yet another full revolution around the sun.  Just like it has done for 50 kazillion years. 

Monday, January 1, 2018

Yup. I'm a Bitch.

I'm walking out of a store and a nasty tempered little girl (about 8 or 9), upon being told no, punches the woman with her in the hip.