Thursday, December 21, 2017

The Apple Barely Left The Tree

Previously I had posted about my ex in My Ex Is a Genius.   Here is another story from that time in my life. This time it involves his dad.

After buying my house, the ex and his father did a lot of "upgrades."  One day I went to the cellar to bring the ex and his dad a drink as they were working.  As I approached, they had their backs to me and Dad was reaching up soldering a water pipe that was running to the water heater.  He says to his son,

"Bud, this solder is the good stuff.  It's the old kind that really works.  They changed the formula, but this, this has the higher lead content!"

Now, I'm no genius, and I know absolutely F*ck all about soldering and water pipes, but I have certainly heard of lead poisoning.  I stand a few minutes digesting what I just heard, and not being overly confident, I clear my throat and say,

"Uh,  Steve?  Um.... do you think maybe they lowered the lead content because of lead poisoning?  I mean, it IS a water pipe....."

He shuts the weldy fire thing off, turns to me with a slight smile on his face and says in the most sympathetic, patronizing, pat-on-the-head tone I have ever heard in my life;

"Oh Honey, that's a different kind of lead."

He then turns back to his conversation with his son while continuing to solder poison into the water line.

I am dumbfounded.  My eyebrows are raised so high I think they are pushing the hair off my head. I stand with drinks in hand for about 10 seconds mouth gaping open like a fish.  A different kind of lead!?  ..... a.... different.... kind...of...... lead....  I want to argue.  I really do. I just... gape and blink.  A different kind of lead.   Yup.  That's what he said. A different kind of lead.  But... lead is.... lead....? Right?

Then I realize, there simply is a certain level of intellect (or lack of level) that one simply cannot connect with and I just hit it.  Drinks in hand, I turn around in a haze of absolute astonishment, and walk back upstairs with nothing in my head but the sympathetic, "Oh Honey..."   because, you know, I'M the dumb one.

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