Friday, December 1, 2017

Dunkin Donuts - AGAIN

My day started off reasonably enough.  I managed to get up and get moving without stepping on a single animal, stubbing a toe, or even walking into a door frame.  Clearly today is going to be a good good day.  I mean, FRIDAY!  Am I right?

I get in the car and there is, like, NO traffic.  Breeze through light after light.  Not a single school bus in the way.  Kelly Square (an area famous for being a major cluster f*ck) had about two cars, so smooth sailing.  I'm in a reasonably good mood, especially considering it's 7:30 am and I hate mornings in general.  Turning into Dunkin Donuts there is only one car pulling in before me.  OMG life is great.

Riiiiiight.  Now let me explain.  I am from Massachusetts.  There is a very good reason our drivers have been dubbed Massholes.  It's not that I'm proud of it.  I am not.  But the second my ass is in the seat of a car (I don't even have to be the driver) I'm already aggravated.  I know, absolutely KNOW that people around me are going to drive all wrong.  So when I pulled in behind that car in the drive through and it was moving soooooo slow that the speed isn't even registering on my speedometer, I pretty much immediately felt the rage-o-meter begin to warm up.   There are about 10 car lengths between where we are and the speaker to order my damn tea and this guy, with no one in front of him, is DRIFTING to the speaker.  What.  The.  hell?

Deep breaths.   In. Out.  In. Out..... OMFG.  IT'S BEEN 10 FREAKING SECONDS AND WE HAVE MOVED 2 CAR LENGTHS.   I'm gonna die.  I'm having an aneurysm.  I know I am.  Ok.... breathe..... we've passed the trash container.   Four car lengths to go.  I got this.  I can do this.   Rage-o-meter is holding at the yellow zone.   I'm ok.   I'm not ok.  I'm going to ram him.  I know I am.  Wait.  Wait.  He's at the speaker!  He's going to order.  Oh thank you God in heaven above.  What is taking so long?  Seriously?  Is he READING the menu!?   Who reads the God blasted menu??  Everyone knows what they want.  Oh for the love of everything holy, JUST ORDER SOMETHING!!!  ooh...ooh... his mouth is moving.  I can see it in his side mirror.  He's ordering!  It's happening.  I might survive this.

Why isn't he moving?  What's going on?  Did he have a heart attack and die?  He looks pretty old.  I think I might be having a heart attack.  Chest pain.  I have chest pains. I'm the one having the heart attack. Wait.  He's drifting forward again.  Oh thank Christ.  Heart attack averted.  Rage-o-meter easing back down.  I am at the window.  Hallelujah. 

Ordering goes smoothly in spite of the person asking me twice if I wanted cream in my BLACK tea.  I'm cool.  I'm good. I survived the drifting guy.  I got this.  As I pull up to the window, drifter dude slooooowly drifts forward.  This friggin' guy.  The lady hands me my tea.  I pay.  It's all good.  I pull up.  And drifting guy is. still. drifting. to. the. exit.   Are you kidding me?  For real?  This can't be happening.  If he's turning the same way I am, I am going to lose my mind.  I know I will.  I'll ram him.  That's what I'll do.  I'll get out and yell at him.   I'll... what's this? He's drifting to a gas pump!  Freaking YAY!  I get to the exit and there is not a car in sight.  Life is going back to awesome.

I pull out and it is just as before.   No cars.  Green lights.  I crack open the tab on the tea and continue on.  Back in my happy place when the smell of my "black tea" drifts up to tease my nose.  It's smells like..... COFFEE!?  What the ever loving F*CK!  I quit. I just quit.

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