Thursday, December 28, 2017

Amanda's Tale of 10 and 5

Once upon a time there was a young woman named Amanda.  On the face it, Amanda was just your ordinary young woman.   She liked knitting and making costumes.  She loved animals and, like so many Americans, came from a "broken home."  Although, I suppose one has to have had a together home for it to have been broken.  Her parents never married and never even really had the chance to set up house together.

Amanda was born of a young mother, too young to be honest, and a dad named Steven who honestly should have known better than to be messing around with a 15 year old.  Steven, who was 21 did not come from the best of homes himself and by the time Amanda was 3 he was off doing whatever it is 24 year olds do to find their way in the world. He was not an overly consistent father, but it seemed he tried, for whatever that meant.

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Just another Chill Christmas

My Christmas was pretty good.  This was a time to appreciate the uniqueness of what I have. 

I own a multi family home in which I live on the first floor.  Everyone in the building is connected in one way or another and together, we have assembled ourselves as our own little family.  We have cook outs, gather for holidays, celebrate birthdays, have the occasional squabbles, voice our unwelcome opinions on relationships, you know, all of the things that other families do.

Christmas day began with elder son waking the entire building by first marching through my apartment and then into the halls shouting into a bull horn at 9 am.   "MERRY CRIMBUS!!!  TIME TO GET UP!" Now you are probably thinking, especially those of you with children, "9 am?  That's not bad.  You got to sleep in."

Friday, December 22, 2017

My Christmas Spirit Retired

🎄  December 21.
Four miserable, last minute shopper, morons with money, whiny kid filled days until Christmas.  You know, Christmas: the day of frenzied paper ripping, ungrateful kids, in-laws & family members that (thank Christ) you only have to see this one freaking time of the year.  You cook until your feet and back hurt for a 20 minute meal, which if you're lucky, no one complains about, and then you're left with 3 day's worth of dishes to clean.  And don't even get me started on the damn needles from the tree you have murdered and strung lights all over like some kind of demented decorator driven serial tree killer.

Thursday, December 21, 2017

The Apple Barely Left The Tree

Previously I had posted about my ex in My Ex Is a Genius.   Here is another story from that time in my life. This time it involves his dad.

After buying my house, the ex and his father did a lot of "upgrades."  One day I went to the cellar to bring the ex and his dad a drink as they were working.  As I approached, they had their backs to me and Dad was reaching up soldering a water pipe that was running to the water heater.  He says to his son,

"Bud, this solder is the good stuff.  It's the old kind that really works.  They changed the formula, but this, this has the higher lead content!"

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

God, Aliens, or drugs?

Inevitably at some point in your life some nosy person is going to ask you if you believe in God.  And maybe you do or maybe you don’t.  In my case it’s a don’t.  I’m not an atheist.  I am better labeled agnostic- I do not believe in a god but neither do I completely disbelieve.  I can go on at length about the why of it, but that is not what today is about.  Today is about a dream.

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Old World Advice

Boris was a Jewish Russian refugee of about 70 years old when I met him.  I was teaching English to  refugees for a resettlement agency.  They had widely varied ages, education levels, levels of English, ethnicities, and much more.  I honestly miss it at times.  Some of the most gratifying years of my life were spent teaching people who taught me so much as well.

But Boris, he was special. 

Saturday, December 16, 2017

Motion Activated

I had to venture out into humanity today as there's pretty much nothing for food in the house and never mind me, but if I don't feed the cats and dog I suspect I'm going to begin looking yummy soon. And  since I firmly believe my toes and fingers were never meant to be kitty snacks or dog chews,  off I go.  One of my stops was the Dollar Store as I had a few things to pick up there.

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

A 3 a. m. Pee

Nothing like realizing you're standing in your yard in a T-shirt & shorts freezing your ass off at 3 am, not because the dog has to pee, but because you DREAMED he had to pee. 
I'm cold.
He's confused and, I think, a bit displeased.

Sunday, December 10, 2017

I Think It Means I'm Actually Just a Bitch

The day started out normal.  Well, my normal anyway.  I didn't fall asleep until after 3 am so it wasn't until Bacon stepped onto my face  at least twice that I dragged my butt out of bed around 11 am.  Doug's bladder was most likely ready to burst and the cats were being pretty insistent that due to the possession of opposable thumbs, it was my job to get the hell up and feed them.  Dicks.

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

My Ex was a Genius

I decided to put together a couple of the hilariously amazing things my ex had said/done over the years we had together.  I hope you get as much laughter as I still do from them.  Of course at first I had to sit in awe of the genius before the laughter could hit me.

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Are You Kidding DD??

By now you may have noticed that I seem to have lots of issues with Dunkin Donuts. (See previous) I realize they can be easily resolved by, say... making my own tea in the morning?  But, God, do you really think I have the patience for that?  I have places to go and things to do that do not include saving money and making my own damn tea.  This is America dammit.  I want what I want and I want it NOW.

Monday, December 4, 2017

My Mother is a C*nt (not what you think)

As I have stated before, I work in a university.  What I haven't explained is that I work with international students from all over the world.  If you name a country, I have most likely worked with a person from there.  I love my job.  I love the students and helping them achieve their goals.  I also love the humor that comes from language misunderstandings on both sides.

Sunday, December 3, 2017

Walmart thoughts

Re the car in the parking lot: Who owns a Maserati and shops at Walmart? Maybe owning a Maserati is why he HAS to shop at Walmart.
Re 5 police cars and guy in cuffs: How badly do you have to want a TV to try to pull that off?  Oh, and where is the cut off limit of stupidity for that one?
Re ambulance in parking lot: Hm.  What if there's an emergency while your partner is shopping?  Better hope it's in Walmart
Re the dog lover: Yes. Yes he is a mini pitbull and in spite of that terrified look on his face, he's actually vicious.

Friday, December 1, 2017

Dunkin Donuts - AGAIN

My day started off reasonably enough.  I managed to get up and get moving without stepping on a single animal, stubbing a toe, or even walking into a door frame.  Clearly today is going to be a good good day.  I mean, FRIDAY!  Am I right?

I get in the car and there is, like, NO traffic.  Breeze through light after light.  Not a single school bus in the way.  Kelly Square (an area famous for being a major cluster f*ck) had about two cars, so smooth sailing.  I'm in a reasonably good mood, especially considering it's 7:30 am and I hate mornings in general.  Turning into Dunkin Donuts there is only one car pulling in before me.  OMG life is great.