Sunday, November 12, 2017

Sun Doesn't Always Shine on Sunny Days

Disclaimer:  if you wish to laugh today, this is not your post.

Depression, real depression, is a hole in your soul.  It eats at you in ways those outside of it cannot understand.

It has ridden me for years. Some days,  weeks, months are good.  The last few years have been, on the whole, good.  Dark days have been fewer than years past and life has treated me relatively well I believe.  There have been days harder than others, but I believed I have been through the worst.

And that, that time, the time of complacency, is when it gets you.  You forget to watch yourself, your thoughts, and behaviors.  You allow time in your life for those who used to 'upset the cart' as it were.  You forget what it's like and you forget what it means to have the darkness swell outward.  It clouds your thoughts, drags out the pain you thought put away, rips open wounds, and leaves you laying raw and bleeding but blanketed in darkness.

And there are those who unknowningly rip open the wounds.  Some mean well and some do not.  Some simply don't care, because after all, it is not their soul that carries this hole.  Or maybe it is, and this causes them to act incautiously or uncaringly.  This weekend was one such time and I wish I could curse those who set this off, but they too bear their own scars and wounds.


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