Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Doug & the Mill Pond

This year, at the beginning of summer I decided I wanted, no, NEEDED a new kayak.  Not only did I need a new kayak, I needed a BIGGER kayak.  One that could fit some light camping gear.  One that had a longer bow so that Doug could have plenty of room to sit atop like commander of the craft.  I bought a 12 footer- which by the way, is 50 lbs of long awkward plastic that needs all kinds of maneuvering to get atop my car. I even had fancy new sun glasses my mom bought on QVC, because you know, if it's on QVC it's gotta be good.

Monday, November 27, 2017

The Friday After

As you may have already figured out, I work at a university.  Typically we do not work the Friday after Thanksgiving and we shut down the week between Christmas and New Years.  A year or two ago the university, being an institution with the combined wisdom of centuries of learning, decided that one way to cut costs was to stay open during these periods and thus capture registrations as well as doing away with "banked time" that employees built up during the year to have this time off with pay.

Sunday, November 26, 2017

Friendsgiving

At my house we have a tradition called Friendsgiving.  It was initiated by the younger son for his vegetarian and vegan friends and just never stopped happening.  Year after year.  I seriously considered not doing it this year for a bunch of reasons.

Friday, November 24, 2017

Five Finger Death Punch

Couldn't sleep again last night.  My mind wandered into all kinds of deep forests of weirdness.  The place I remember most upon waking is Fiver Finger Death Punch.

Five Finger Death Punch?  Five fingers?  Shouldn't it be four fingers and a thumb?  How do you make a fist without the thumb?  Are you making a thumbless fist right now as you read this?  You know you are.

And let's just assume you do have 5 fingers (awkward) and you fold them into a fist of a sorts.... it's more like some weird ass straight forward folded karate chop.  I have actually heard of people- met one in fact- who were born with 2 thumbs.  But five fingers?  What the hell do you do with that?  What kind of name is that and what were they thinking?  Was there acid involved?  There had to be acid involved.

I think I remember hearing somewhere that the name is based on a karate movie with a similar name.  Maybe it was just a bad translation calling a thumb a finger.  I suppose it's better than Five Thumb Death Punch.  Or Five Toe Death Punch.  That would be beyond awkward. Honestly I had never heard of them (sorry metal fans) until I heard the song The Wrong Side of Heaven and the Righteous Side of Hell.  Something resonated.  That's a damn good song.

I should go check out more of the music, but it's just the thumb thing.  My subconscious just can't let it go.  Sigh.... Sleep.  Normal sleep would be so very nice.  What if there's three fingers on one hand two on the other?  Maybe combined they make one hell of a punch.... oh God.   I'm done.


Wednesday, November 22, 2017

I Shoulda Stayed in Bed (for real)

My day started before I even awoke this morning.  The alarm goes off and I grumble, "Okay okay right.  Not yet," and shut it off as I do nearly every morning.  In case you're wondering, yes, I really do speak aloud to the alarm as if it were a living annoying thing that I can reason into giving me more time.  I immediately fall back to sleep into an incredibly vivid semi lucid dream that involves a lot of the color teal and me trying to remove a corset in order to get ready for work.  Yeah, I know, teal right?    Anyway, I don't remember feeling any sense of particular urgency as I unzipped and unhooked and what not, but I think the dream colored (Get it? Colored?) the next 45 minutes of my life.  As I am unhooking and unzipping and what not I say to myself, "This is crap.  I don't have time for this.  I have to wake up."  And so I do.

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

What To Do With an Anxious Doug?

Apparently the answer is NOT buy him an extra big real beef rib bone.

As I prepared to leave for my day of work, I presented Doug with my newest attempt.  His excitement was catchy.  I thought, "This is it! This bone will keep him occupied.  No peeing on the floor.  No jumping up against the door for hours on end.  I'm a freaking genius."  My back was starting to hurt from all the patting I was giving myself.

Monday, November 20, 2017

What to Tell 18 Year Old Me


One of our teachers gave out an exercise this past week that asked students, "What would you go back and tell your 18 year old self?"  Of course that got me thinking and whoooooo boy.   I have so much to say to that idiot.

Saturday, November 18, 2017

A Twinkle in the Eye

I fall in love almost every day.  It's true. I don't always fall for people.  In fact, it's almost never people!

Thursday, November 16, 2017

Decisions, decisions

For no reason I can discern a memory has surfaced of one of my high school teachers bringing canned octopus to class for us to try.  I was brave. It was ok.

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Pet Peeve


No, I am not peeved at my pet today.  Doug is just fine.  Still dumb as a box of rocks, but fine none the less.  However, I do have a peeve. Well, I have a lot of peeves but this one… ugh.  Girls, if you are going to wear high heels, learn how to walk in them.  

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Was it Love or Survival


Last night I was in a pretty decent mood.  I put on my iPod Shuffle on the neat new docking station and set it to blast.  Out pops good old Billy Joel and he's heartbrokenly crooning about how hard it is to find honesty.

I hear you Billy.  I feel you Billy.  So now I am singing along and I am all in man.  I'm wailing it out.  I have to share this heartfelt moment so I scoop up a confused Doug into my arms and looking deep into his slightly misaligned eyes and screech, "Hoooonesty is such a lonely word.  Everyone is so untr-mmnph.....??"

I don't know if it was a loving, "Shhhhh human Mommy, it's okay.  I got you." or "Jesus Christ woman, my ears are bleeding."  But whichever it was, it ended with a paw smack in my mouth.

Monday, November 13, 2017

But Sometimes, the Sun Shines on Cloudy Days.

Well hello again reader.  So, you're still hanging in reading what I write.

Today I almost did not go to work.  After a rough couple of days with childhood "stuff" being brought up in ways I could not avoid, I let it weigh me down.   But, my darling little dog decided he would start off my day with a reminder that depending on your view a situation can either be hilariously funny, infuriating, or just another straw on your pile of misery.

Sunday, November 12, 2017

Sun Doesn't Always Shine on Sunny Days

Disclaimer:  if you wish to laugh today, this is not your post.

Depression, real depression, is a hole in your soul.  It eats at you in ways those outside of it cannot understand.

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Random Thoughts

I've got nothing especially exciting to write about today other than a few random thoughts.  I'm in bed already because, as previously mentioned, I stalk sleep like a spurned nerd.  And, also as previously mentioned, sleep is off hanging out in someone else's bed.  Fickle tramp.

So thoughts.  Why do ears have wax?  What the hell is that shit for?  Seriously.  Everytime you try to get it out you wind up packing it in against your eardrum and pissing off your doctor- if you're dumb enough to let him look in there. 

And while I'm thinking about it, what's up with boogers?  Is there actually a biological justification for boogers?  The only thing they seem good for is chasing around other kids with one on your finger when you're about 7 years old.  After that, they're just the appendix of the nose as far as I can tell.

So if anyone out there is a biologist or doctor, can you please help satisfy my restless brain and explain the existence of ear wax and boogers? Oh, and while you're at it, take a wack at explaining slugs.  I mean really, what the hell is going with those slimy bastards?

Tuesday, November 7, 2017

First World Rage


I have it.  I admit it.  Today I am in a full on First World Rage.
First, it's my sleep in day.  I go to work at 11:30 am instead of 8 am so I get to sleep.  Hurray.  I love sleep.  Sleep is high on the list of my all time favorite things to do.  I value sleep.  It, of course, does not value me.

Monday, November 6, 2017

It's A Beginning

Well world.  Here I am.  I've decided to join the world of bloggers.  Why?  I haven't a clue.  Nor do I have a specific agenda.  So I guess this blog will just wander around much like I do in my everyday life.  Half the time I think, "I got this," and the other half is spent thinking, "Huh?"