Wednesday, November 29, 2017
Monday, November 27, 2017
Sunday, November 26, 2017
Friday, November 24, 2017
Five Finger Death Punch? Five fingers? Shouldn't it be four fingers and a thumb? How do you make a fist without the thumb? Are you making a thumbless fist right now as you read this? You know you are.
And let's just assume you do have 5 fingers (awkward) and you fold them into a fist of a sorts.... it's more like some weird ass straight forward folded karate chop. I have actually heard of people- met one in fact- who were born with 2 thumbs. But five fingers? What the hell do you do with that? What kind of name is that and what were they thinking? Was there acid involved? There had to be acid involved.
I think I remember hearing somewhere that the name is based on a karate movie with a similar name. Maybe it was just a bad translation calling a thumb a finger. I suppose it's better than Five Thumb Death Punch. Or Five Toe Death Punch. That would be beyond awkward. Honestly I had never heard of them (sorry metal fans) until I heard the song The Wrong Side of Heaven and the Righteous Side of Hell. Something resonated. That's a damn good song.
I should go check out more of the music, but it's just the thumb thing. My subconscious just can't let it go. Sigh.... Sleep. Normal sleep would be so very nice. What if there's three fingers on one hand two on the other? Maybe combined they make one hell of a punch.... oh God. I'm done.
Wednesday, November 22, 2017
Tuesday, November 21, 2017
As I prepared to leave for my day of work, I presented Doug with my newest attempt. His excitement was catchy. I thought, "This is it! This bone will keep him occupied. No peeing on the floor. No jumping up against the door for hours on end. I'm a freaking genius." My back was starting to hurt from all the patting I was giving myself.
Monday, November 20, 2017
One of our teachers gave out an exercise this past week that asked students, "What would you go back and tell your 18 year old self?" Of course that got me thinking and whoooooo boy. I have so much to say to that idiot.
Saturday, November 18, 2017
Thursday, November 16, 2017
Wednesday, November 15, 2017
Tuesday, November 14, 2017
Last night I was in a pretty decent mood. I put on my iPod Shuffle on the neat new docking station and set it to blast. Out pops good old Billy Joel and he's heartbrokenly crooning about how hard it is to find honesty.
I hear you Billy. I feel you Billy. So now I am singing along and I am all in man. I'm wailing it out. I have to share this heartfelt moment so I scoop up a confused Doug into my arms and looking deep into his slightly misaligned eyes and screech, "Hoooonesty is such a lonely word. Everyone is so untr-mmnph.....??"
I don't know if it was a loving, "Shhhhh human Mommy, it's okay. I got you." or "Jesus Christ woman, my ears are bleeding." But whichever it was, it ended with a paw smack in my mouth.
Monday, November 13, 2017
Today I almost did not go to work. After a rough couple of days with childhood "stuff" being brought up in ways I could not avoid, I let it weigh me down. But, my darling little dog decided he would start off my day with a reminder that depending on your view a situation can either be hilariously funny, infuriating, or just another straw on your pile of misery.
Sunday, November 12, 2017
Wednesday, November 8, 2017
I've got nothing especially exciting to write about today other than a few random thoughts. I'm in bed already because, as previously mentioned, I stalk sleep like a spurned nerd. And, also as previously mentioned, sleep is off hanging out in someone else's bed. Fickle tramp.
So thoughts. Why do ears have wax? What the hell is that shit for? Seriously. Everytime you try to get it out you wind up packing it in against your eardrum and pissing off your doctor- if you're dumb enough to let him look in there.
And while I'm thinking about it, what's up with boogers? Is there actually a biological justification for boogers? The only thing they seem good for is chasing around other kids with one on your finger when you're about 7 years old. After that, they're just the appendix of the nose as far as I can tell.
So if anyone out there is a biologist or doctor, can you please help satisfy my restless brain and explain the existence of ear wax and boogers? Oh, and while you're at it, take a wack at explaining slugs. I mean really, what the hell is going with those slimy bastards?
Tuesday, November 7, 2017
I have it. I admit it. Today I am in a full on First World Rage.